Last weekend I sat around a roaring fire with 60 men for two hours.  We laughed and talked and let down our hair and prayed together.  I saw men show appreciation for other men.  Watching the men talk through the dancing flames, the value of giving men opportunities to express their emotions was obvious.

Men, like women and children, need to be filled up with positive emotions.  Several men openly shared struggles while other men really listened.  Positive emotions began emerging that I’m sure all men need.

Men need to feel accepted.  Men want someone who will look beyond their faults and love them with unconditional love. One man in the group, highly successful, never graduated from high school.  When I saw men showering him with love, it was evident that he truly felt accepted.

The need for affection is another emotion resting in the heart of all men.  Don’t think for a second that men don’t want to be told they are loved.  Sure they do.  I watched one man speaking unsolicited, spontaneous expressions of affection to a man sitting beside him.  It was a tender moment and an obvious blessing to the man receiving the affection.  One of my pastor friends ends his phone conversations with me by saying, “I love you, buddy.”  I really like that kind of manly affection.

That leads to a man’s need to feel appreciated.  Appreciation is felt when someone else expresses thanks, praise and commendation, particularly recognizing someone’s accomplishments or efforts.  Appreciation truly is effective when stated publicly.  It’s good to praise a spouse, child or friend privately, but when you praise someone publicly it is usually even better.

I praised one of the men in front of the other men for a something he had done for all the men present.  It made that brother just glow.  I was merely focusing on what he had done well.  A little appreciation often goes a long way.

Men, like little children, need to be shown attention.  There’s no substitute for spending time with other men.  Time is a valuable commodity.  Most men have little margin in their lives.  If another man can patiently push past the busy exterior, enter into another man’s world and just listen, he’ll find a man in great need of attention.  He’ll appreciate another man showing genuine interest in him.  There’s not a man in the world that doesn’t like that.

And yes, believe it or not, men who are known for their crossed arms and stiff upper lip want to be comforted.  When another man properly responds to another man by entering his grief and pain, the hurting man can feel deep comfort.

Usually known for their reasoning, men need to occasionally refrain from reasoning, teaching or giving advice.  You can’t understand another man’s emotional pain by giving rational responses.  During our discussion around the fire, I saw a man warmly embrace another man and say, “I’m sorry that you’re hurting.”

Respect is a huge need for men, and men make other men feel respected by valuing, honoring and regarding other men as important.  A verse from Romans chapter 12 reads, “Honor one another above yourselves.”  Men who solicit and show deference to another man’s opinion show that man respect.  If you respect another man’s property, privacy or personal preferences, you show him respect. 

A man called me this week, but before launching into his issue he asked, “Is this a good time to talk, or may I call you back later?”  I felt he genuinely respected my time.

Any honest man will tell you he has a huge need to feel secure.  Men want harmony in their lives, and want to be free from fear or threat of harm.  Male employers should be fair with the people who work for them. 

Those men who are easy for other men to read should know that they are providing a tremendous sense of safety and security for other men.  Men who make other men cower are men that few people respect. 

When other men come along side me and help me when I am struggling, I feel supported, a positive emotion I’ll gladly admit I need.  When people notice when I’m struggling and they give a listening ear or helping hand, I felt greatly supported.

There’s still plenty of time this fall for you to get some men around a fire and practice replenishing the positive emotions that all men need.  Try it, men.