At 12, I realized that most things in life were beyond my control, but how I reacted was within my control.
The older I get the more I see, experience, and embrace that truth.  I can’t control what people say about me
or think about me.  I can’t control someone else’s behavior or the decisions they make.

The one thing I can control is my own integrity.  If I treat people the way I want to be treated – the heart of
the Golden rule – I will be a person of integrity.  When it comes to being honest (especially in the mundane
rhythms of life), principled and ethical, I am the master of my own destiny.

Fred Smith, the founder of Federal Express, said the Golden Rule was universally transferable whether in the
business world or in the personal lives of people.  “It does not make any difference what religion or
geography it is,” Smith said.

My integrity gets tested every day – by people at work, by people where I shop and even by my own
family.  But at the end of the day, I am the one who controls my honor.

Leadership guru John Maxwell says, “Integrity is all-encompassing.  It’s not something you demonstrate at
home or church or set on a shelf at work.  People of integrity don’t live bifurcated lives; their morals, ethics,
treatment of others and overall character are the same wherever they are, whatever they’re doing.”

Those that follow the Golden Rule and live with integrity set an example that has a far greater impact than any
words they could ever speak.  Maxwell contends that leading by example is a powerful concept for this
reason alone:  People do what people see.

Take motivating people, as an example.  If you want to motivate people to go to a whole new level, get
motivated to grow and develop yourself.  People will do what people see.

Or how about mentoring someone?  Again, people will do what they see.  You give someone an honest
insider’s view of what you’re experiencing and how you’re handling it, and you’ll have an eager student.
Obviously, you want someone to learn from your mistakes so when they are faced with something similar,
they make good choices.

When it comes to values, people definitely do what they see.  You might spend endless hours formulating
wonderful values, a set of core beliefs and even writing a 10-point mission statement, but those principles
don’t mean a thing if the leaders of a church or organization don’t model them consistently.

Training others works that way, too.  If people see their leaders constantly learning and acquiring new skills,
they’ll be inspired to do the same.  They’ll do what they see.

A few days back I put a sheet of paper on my desk and wrote these words across the top:  “Am I willing to
do for others what I want them to do for me?”   Here’s what that looks like for me.  I like to talk.  So I wrote
on my paper, “Am I willing to listen to others without always interrupting them with my own opinions and
stories?  If I am not genuinely captivated and interested in the lives of others, why should they give my words
the time of day?”

I like to be admired.  On that point I scribbled, “Am I genuinely willing to look for admirable qualities in
others and then encourage them with a kind word?”

Trust ranks high in my book.  I like to be trusted.  Those words looked back at me from the piece of paper,
saying:  “Will you trust others and be opened handed with them?  Are you willing to believe that not everyone
is out to get you and judge you negatively?”

Always tell me the truth, I wrote next.  And then I asked myself.  “Are you willing to tell other people the
truth about yourself?  If you will not let people know you, why should you be demanding that others never
keep personal information from you?”

At the end of the day, integrity demands that we take a hard look at the kind of person we want to be.  Pull
out the calling card of your life.  What does it say?
 

Don Follis is an Urbana pastor and member of Vineyard Christian Fellowship in Urbana, Ill.  His column
appears on Fridays.  Copyright © 2003 by the Champaign-Urbana News-Gazette.