There are books that come along every now and then where I say, “I wish I had read that book 25 years ago.”   That was the feeling as I read David Benner’s “Surrender to Love” (InterVarsity Press, 2003).    

The book’s contention is that Christianity is a religion of love.  Benner writes, “The Christian God comes to us as love, in love, for love.  The Christian God woos us with love and works our transformation through love.”

The most important thing in life is learning to love and be loved.  As a psychologist, spiritual director and retreat leader for more than 30 years, Benner believes that only love can soften a hard heart.  Only trust can renew trust that has been shattered.  Nothing but love can inspire acts of genuine self-sacrifice.  And only love can free us from the tyrannizing effects of fear.

A good way to understand the nature of the spiritual journey – and the deep way love is woven into that journey – is to try this simple exercise. Imagine God thinking about you.  What do you assume He feels when you come to mind?

Benner has asked hundreds of people that question and huge numbers say that the first thing they assume God feels is disappointment.  Many assume that God feels anger.  In both cases, these people are convinced that it is their sins that first catches God attention.

Are they right or wrong?  Benner says they are wrong and the consequences of such a view of God are enormous.  I think of the scores of people I’ve spoken with over the years who assumed God looked at them with disgust, disappointment and frustration.

And yes, I will admit that one of my spiritual struggles to this day is daring to relax in God presence.  I know that surrender involves relaxing, and you have to feel safe before you can truly relax.  How could anyone ever expect to feel safe enough to relax in the presence of a God who is preoccupied with their shortcomings and failures?

Is it possible that God is head-over-heels in love with us?  Benner thinks so.  “God is simply giddy about you.  He just can’t help loving you.  And he loves you deeply, recklessly and extravagantly – just as you are.  God knows you are a sinner, but your sins do not surprise him.  Nor do they reduce in the slightest his love for you.”

Most people fight this love their entire life because they think they deserve punishment, not love.  Benner says it this way:  “Everything within us tells us that the universe must be organized according to a principle wherein we get what we deserve.”

When God comes along and offers us forgiveness of our sins and his embrace of unconditional love many still cannot receive it as good news.  “We have such an inborn tendency to run our own life and to pay our own way that unconditional love is both unbelievable and terrifying.  In short, we want nothing of it,” Benner writes.

The way we resist God’s divine grace tells us a lot about why we fear unconditional love.  That kind of love demands surrender.  I often resist this, preferring to hold on to my faith, my effort, my beliefs and even my own dignity.

When I choose to resist, Benner says I miss out on the most important thing he has learned in more than 30 years of studying how love produces healing. In short, love that transforms a person’s life must be received in vulnerability.

Genuine transformation insists on vulnerability.  The fact of being loved unconditionally is not life-changing.  It’s the risky experience of allowing me to be loved unconditionally that ushers in true transformation.  The great paradox is that I realize I will never surrender myself until I accept myself as I am.  And until I accept myself in my nakedness and vulnerability, I miss the indispensable preconditions for genuine transformation.

When I was young I used to think it was a preposterous claim when people would tell me they not only knew God but had a personal relationship with him.  But over the years, ever so gradually, my relationship with the one who is wholly other has deepened, even been giddy, as I’ve spent time in his presence.

With summer here, I resolve to surrender to God’s perfect love.  I will try to relax and float in the river of his love the way I relax and float in the pool on a warm evening.